This location has been repossessed.
Prix & MiniThings of Fairhaven proudly served this community, and its finest client, Old-Timer Stan, for fifteen loyal years. Effective immediately, the storefront, the inventory, the client list, and Asset #STAN-001 are the lawful property of PAM Corporate. This was a friendly acquisition.
BY PAM CORPORATE.
The operator has been thanked and retired.
For fifteen years this shop ran on trust, fair appraisals, and a handshake. PAM Corporate identified those exact qualities as an inefficiency. The location, its inventory, and its client list have been consolidated into the parent portfolio. Nobody was consulted. Everybody signed. It is, on paper, the friendliest thing that has ever happened here.
Meet Old-Timer Stan.
A fixture of this shop for fifteen years. Trusting. Delightful. In possession of a garage full of priceless MiniThings and no real grasp of their resale value. He was our finest client. Effective this quarter, he has been reclassified as inventory and transferred to corporate custody. He is fine. He is always fine.
What the shop used to offer.
We told you what it was worth. Roughly. Warmly. Over a cup of tea.
No contracts. No fine print. A grave and lasting oversight, per the acquisition audit.
People who trusted us with their treasures. A client list of remarkable extractable value.
Terms of Service +
1. Acceptance. You accept these terms by not immediately leaving. Reading them is optional and, frankly, a little suspicious.
2. The asset. Old-Timer Stan (Asset #STAN-001) is the sole and lawful property of PAM Corporate. Do not feed, befriend, appraise, or attempt to return him.
3. Ownership. Everything on this website, including your own emotional response to it, is a PAM asset and has been logged.
4. Franchises. Owning a franchise makes you an operator. Being an operator makes you repossessable. Please see Fairhaven, Franchise #0447, for a worked example.
5. Refunds. There are no refunds. There is no such thing as a refund. "Refund" is a myth invented by competitors to make you feel entitled.
6. Termination. We may terminate your access, your franchise, or your fondest memories at any time, for any reason, or simply because it was a slow quarter.
Privacy Policy +
What we collect. Everything. Your clicks, your cursor, your collectibles, your trust, and the approximate resale value of your garage.
How we use it. To appraise you. Warmly. And repeatedly.
Who we share it with. Ourselves, our shell companies, our offshore selves, and a senator we keep on retainer for exactly this.
Your rights. You have the right to remain a valued asset. Any additional right you attempt to exercise will be politely reclassified as inventory.
Cookies. We use cookies. We also took the cookies. And the jar. And, during the acquisition, the kitchen.
Contact. To request a copy of your data, visit your nearest PAM location. If it has already been repossessed, that data is now also ours. Thank you for understanding.
For the avoidance of doubt: none of the above is enforceable, because none of this is real. Prix and MiniThings is satire. You retain every legal right you have always had, including the right to find this funny.